We all know (or should by now) that the practice of homeopathy is a psuedo-science. However, with indoctrinating mantras such as, “Your homeopath understands,” and defiant slogans like, “Homeopathy worked for me!” the industry still continues to convert people searching for an “alternative” health care programme. Homeopaths are paid on a private basis to practice a crude form of counseling on their patients. This method of simply sitting, listening for an hour or so and then plugging the customer with a large bill for ineffective “treatments” seems to appeal to certain people more than actual medicine. In fact, it is in stark contrast to scientific medical schemes such as the NHS who have a completely different perogative altogether. Perhaps it is this fact that makes the practice of homeopathy so apparently addictive to customers.
Though if you are concerned with what’s true in life, as I am, rather than simply choosing to subscribe to comforting lies you might find this sort of faux medical treatment slightly disturbing. So if you are a user of homeopathy and looking to break out of your current predicament, I have prepared a list of seven alternatives to their method which don’t make use of blatant falsehoods as fundamental building blocks.
Number 1: Find yourself a friend
If it’s the aural aspect of homeopathy that appeals to you the most, I would ask if you have simply ever considered the free alternative of talking to a close friend. They tend to listen and give you an opinion back. They’re quite wonderful; one of my better inventions, I must say. However, if you prefer to discuss your innermost fears with complete strangers to alleviate a whole host of emotional pressures and obligations, the next option might be for you.
Number 2: Talk to a hobo
Hobo’s are slightly more expensive than friends. They do require the occasional tip of loose change or a sip of that whiskey from your brown paper bag, but they remain effective nonetheless. They will also give you a rather interesting alternative world view, as with the homeopath, if you book your appointment for the early hours of the morning. Although, if you prefer the more silent approach keep on reading.
Number 3: Talk to an animal e.g. a cat
Cats are wonderfully low-maintainence. They don’t talk much but they’re perfectly able to listen. They’re approximately as effective as a homeopath and I’ve read somewhere that if you share a saucer of milk with them, under the light of a full moon, they’re quite likely to do a little liquid number on your pillowcase (which is a wonderful remedy for earache).
Number 4: Talk to the ‘invisible people’
If you subscribe to homeopathy then the chances are that you can already hear them. Just have a natter back. Go on, it’s dead fun. Give yourself a tickle.
Number 5: Poke pennies up your bottom… Then talk to the tree in your garden
Don’t ask me why. It’s just about as effective as the treatments.
Number 6: Draw a face on a football, call it Wilson and prop it on a stick
What?! It worked for Tom Hanks in Cast Away.
Number 7: Talk to the Flying Spaghetti Monster
He does exist, trust me. I have this really old book that was compiled by forty different authors, around 100 years after all events pertaining to him took place. Since then it’s been revised and retranslated around seventy million times but the essence of the account is still there. It’s just those pesky scientists who keep disproving the historical validity of the accounts in the text that don’t believe. Who cares? They’re going to the simmering furnace in the center of the universe anyway.
Filed under: Funny Stuffs, Like Woah... Interesting..., Science, The Mind and Suggestibility, What Mark\'s Up to by Mark Brewer
2 Comments »
. Never mind! There will be a lot of writing on the cards.